this is the time when I’m meanest to myself

Mirror glimpse,
fat old ugly fat old ugly double chin bad skin acne shame hatred
stabbing into me…

And then I smile at myself and try to move on
accepting that mean voice
being Zen or something…

But it hurts so bad.

It’s my mom looking at my body and my dad looking at my body
and my dad preying on me and seeing me as meat.
And then me repeat.

But sometimes I catch my sparkling gray eyes,
my Bubbie’s eyes,
and I see a spirit and a crackle and dare I say magic…

And in the quick moment before I start tearing my body apart again,

I’m free.